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Year-long Employee Inexplicably Retains Optimism

WICHITA, KS -- Oscar Kelly, seasoned dishwasher at Felix O’Malley’s, has somehow maintained his sunny disposition, despite being every single staff member’s errand boy. “Frankly, at this point, Oscar’s very existence just angers me,” Jeffrey Sessions, kitchen manager, told Sauce…
Sam Carter
April 12, 2018
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Illiterate Cook Passes Menu Test

LAS VEGAS, NV -- Jeffrey Clark, uneducated line cook, has just passed his menu test after being granted a steep curve on the assessment. “He never really admitted that he couldn’t read, but we were all pretty sure,” Dale Junior,…
Connor Ives
April 8, 2018
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Ruins Of Hidden Valley Found

HIDDEN VALLEY, RANCH -- Archaeologists have recently unearthed the mythical Hidden Valley. Conspiracy theorists and historians alike have been debating its existence for generations. Sorority girls and obnoxious middle aged women all over the world have been rejoicing at this…
Greg Parker
April 6, 2018