GARY, IN -- Justin Jimenez really wants to get his “bitch of a grandma” off of his back and out of her basement. For some reason, all of the applications he’s handed in have yet to get him a callback. This fact is incredibly upsetting to a proud entrepreneur who’s unsuccessfully launched not one but two b-boy fashion lines.

	“Look, I’m qualified to carry plates to customers, or whatever, okay?” Justin told Sauce On the Side. “I’m probably more than qualified. Has anyone at McDonald’s ever had their revenge porn website shut down? Didn’t think so. Plus, I’m like a badass worker; I let anyone who interviews me know that I’m one of the best joint rollers in the city and they better believe I got that hook up for Molly.” 

	As it stands now, Jimenez is updating his resume to include “some college” in the hopes that it gives him a leg up on the competition.

	“So, like, I started a bunch of semesters that my grandma paid for,” he said. “I almost finished three of them. Then there was that time I started with a women’s studies class because I thought there would be a bunch of pictures of titties or whatever, but that class was a total joke. So I guess if this doesn’t get me a fucking manager job, I’m just gonna have to start my new business venture once my grandma’s social security check comes in. It’s gonna be a CBD/hot dog cart.”
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