NORFOLK, VA -- Melany Transom has been working at Drink About It for the six years that she’s been out of college. It wasn’t until last year that she realized she could be writing off her four years of college education as a work expense. “When you think about it, I’ve been providing counseling for years at this point,” Melany told Sauce OTS, “I’ve helped people get through issues at work, home, and among friends.” Miss Transom has insisted that her tried and true “strategic enabling” policy has an astounding success rate.

She is currently writing a book about her confidential and pseudoscientific approach to helping her patrons. “Mostly, I deal in memory suppression. Unlike those hacks who try and recover repressed memories, I actively work to bury whatever it is that’s troubling you deep into your subconscious,” Melany said. While she has her fair share of critics, those who have actually gone through her program couldn’t be any happier with the results. Most of her current clients are so grateful for her “strategic enabling” that they tip her the standard hourly rate for a counselor. It remains to be seen when she will be arrested and what the charges will be.
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