GREENSBORO, NC -- The entire kitchen staff of I’m Brewding were well on their way to being completely wasted, in a weekly ritual often referred to as “Tuesday.” Unbeknownst to them, a bachelor party sitting at a booth on the other side of the restaurant took notice of how hard they were going and collectively decided to outdrink them. The group of former frat bros are four hours into their one-sided competition and beginning to regret their choice.
“My bro Phillip Phallus and I thought it would be fun to drink those posers over there under the table,” said Chad Derekson, nodding off. “So we went over and bought them all like six shots in a row. Then they just downed ‘em all right there. It’s not like I’m going to lose to those bitches, but I think this is worse than rush week and spring break 2014 combined, bro. My man Chad 2 is totally passed out in the booth right now.”
The kitchen, on the other hand, is in the middle of a deeply philosophical argument about the right way to close a to-go box. It has been going on for twenty minutes and shows no signs of slowing down. The line cooks, unaccustomed to kindness from former fraternity members, aren’t quite sure what their game is.
“Those dudes are actually alright,” Oscar Castillo, finishing his twelfth Bud Light of the night, told Sauce On the Side. “It’d be nice if they’d stop coming up and saying: ‘Another round, pussy?’ every time we come up to the bar, but I’m not gonna say no to free booze. This must be what it’s like to be a hostess. Anyway, this Bud Light is pretty much water. As soon as those guys pass out, die, or get shoveled into an Uber, I think we’re gonna stop by the liquor store on the way to my place. We’re all gonna watch Chef tonight and talk about how no one in our family understands how hard we work.”
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