MIAMI, FL -- Federal authorities swarmed a local restaurant this afternoon after receiving a call that a counterfeit Groupon had been used on the premises. Agents swiftly placed the entire family into custody, and began a search for any remaining imitation Groupons at their home. The heroic server who noticed the sham discount was appalled by the apparent lack of remorse on the faces of the guilty family. “The five year old was the worst,” Tina told Sauce OTS, “it was like the kid had no sense of empathy. I’ve never been so close to pure evil in my entire life. I’ll never forget that face. I don’t know if I’ll ever sleep again.”
The family, whose names remain undisclosed, is set to face multiple state and federal charges. The minimum sentences for their crimes will more than likely put the entire cabal away for life, and the District Attorney has stated: “The death sentence is not off the table.” Bureau Chief Ed Mooney, released a statement early today, claiming: “Crimes such as these undermine the faith we place in our government, our society and our democracy as a whole. This is a time to come together as a community and simply breath a collective sigh of relief that these monsters have been taken off the streets.”
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