BATON ROUGE, LA -- Sarah Taylor Lee is sixteen years old, has a boyfriend that she loves to hate, regularly talks shit on her best friends, and has been a hostess at Fry Me A River for about two months now. Cumulatively, she has worked a total of 26 hours. Most of Sarah’s time on the clock consists of complaining about how much she hates working, being rude to anyone who asks her to do anything and shopping online with her mom’s credit card.

“I’d say we can reliably expect her to show up every third shift,” Trey Ford, a server at Fry Me A River, told Sauce On the Side, “just for fun, we schedule her every Friday night and call her every fifteen minutes that day reminding her she works. I don’t think anyone here likes her, but we need someone to hate so we don’t tear each other apart. Sarah Taylor has been great for morale around here.”

Yesterday, Miss Lee decided that she was sick. She knew that calling in herself and pretending to be ill for the sixth day in a row would be a non-starter for the staff at Fry Me A River. So rather than owning up to the fact that she’s a worthless employee, Sarah Taylor decided that she would have her mom call in for her instead.

“Oh, it was beautiful,” Trey said, “we could hear Sarah Taylor yelling at her dad for getting her the wrong tequila in the background. I had it on speaker phone so everyone could hear it. Apparently, it’s homecoming night and she’s having a party at her house tonight. We all decided we’re going to crash it after we close.”
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