COLUMBIA, MO -- Trent Mason, habitually absent father and aspiring cuckhold, took his wife and children out for a nice meal at You Cheddar You Cheddar You Bet -a local vegan eatery. Everything went smooth, according to their server Cody Bealz, right up until she presented them with their check. “I thought they were just your run of the mill boring family that I always get,” Cody told Sauce On the Side, “right up until they needed to pay. When I put the check presenter down on the table, the dad or whatever said: ‘Game on Cody. Nobody fucks me without my say-so.’ I have no idea what the hell that means.”

Trent Mason, half-hearted love-making extraordinaire, immediately set to work assessing the bill for anything out of the ordinary. He went so far as to pull out a magnifying glass, dust the check for prints, and interrogate his family about what they order and how much they enjoyed the food. After a twenty-five minute argument about why the sales tax was so high and how that was entirely out of Cody’s control, Trent acquiesced and paid for the meal.

“I’m not going to just sit idly by as these dirty ‘restaurant people’ try and take my hard earned money,” Mr. Mason, human fleshlight, boasted, “I know they’re just waiting for some schmuck to come in so that they can try and skim an extra dollar fifty off of them to pad their wallets. I did three semesters at Carnegie Mellon, okay? I’m not about to be made a fool of by anyone other than myself.”
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