LEAVENWORTH, KS -- Terrance Blackmail served a 25-year sentence for armed train robbery in the United States Penitentiary, Leavenworth. In addition to becoming very good at whittling random things down to a very fine point, learning how to properly take part in a riot, and losing some of the overall strength of his rectum; Terrance also gained an appreciation for the cuisine he was served day in and day out. “So my cellmate, and the love of my life, finally got out of prison a few months ago. ,” Mr. Blackmail, a felon who thought that train robbery would be a good idea because nobody was doing them anymore, told Sauce On the Side, “we knew that we had the kind of love that was never going to get parole. So now we’re getting married.”

After a prolonged discussion and a strangely erotic shanking, Terrance and his Partner Kyle decided that the only people fit to cater the wedding would be their fellow inmates. The main course consists of a Salisbury steak that is fifty percent cardboard, or a vegetable stuffed cabbage that, for some reason, is smothered in brown gravy. Thankfully, the wedding will not have a large attendance to abuse culinarily, largely due to the fact that most of Kyle and Terrance’s family members are currently incarcerated. It remains to be seen if the two lovebirds will find themselves back on the inside after the wedding or not, but the fact that the wedding will be taking place across the street from a bank is not a good sign.
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