PHILADELPHIA, PA -- The Jefferson family took each other’s hands, closed their eyes and bowed their heads.

“Oh Lord,” Pat Jefferson, patriarch of the family and amateur climate change denier, said loud enough for the entire restaurant to hear. “We ask that you bless this restaurant and all the souls inside of it, and I pray that your spirit guides my hand as I give Brenda the tip that she deserves. Please forgive her and the hands that made this meal for sending out the appetizer with the meal, and for oversalting the soup…”

	Pat’s list of grievances ran on for a solid fifteen minutes. Covering everything from the music being satanic to the air conditioning being on too high. For their server, Brenda Aimes, this is nothing new. 

	“Those dicks come in every week and it’s always the same thing,” Miss Aimes told Sauce On the Side. “Instead of letting us know what’s wrong, they wait until we bring them their check and then just start rattling off shit for the entire restaurant to hear. I’m pretty sure the only reason they do it is because they suck at math. They always tip ten percent. No matter what.”
      
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