INDIANAPOLIS, IN -- Robert Smith, a local line cook on his first shift, has just received the Congressional Medal of Honor for his indisputable act of heroism and bravery in the line of duty. After what can only be described as one of the darkest hours for area restaurant Just Chicken In, Bob found himself alone and in unfamiliar, hostile territory. His recently acquired coworkers, who were supposed to be training Bob, were violently hungover, and had completely vanished off the line for what he is referring to as, “a bunch of stupid reasons.” After being abandoned by his comrades, Mr. Smith lept into action: plating things incorrectly, burning nearly every entree, somehow mixing up the order of every ticket on the wheel, and inexplicably starting a small fire.

When reached for comment, Robert’s kitchen manager had this to say: “You know, I’ve seen a lotta cooks come and go from this place. But never, in all my years, have I seen a new guy on his first shift conduct himself in such an honorable and distinguished manner as I did Bob Smith that day. Naturally, I was the one who recommended him for the Medal of Honor. I know in this day and age, it’s hard for congress to agree on anything, but they awarded him that damn medal within two hours. It’s times like these when I’m reminded why America is the greatest nation on earth, and it’s people like Robert Tiffany Smith who give me the courage to get out of bed every morning.”
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