SEATTLE, WA -- Jake Mar has been a vendor at the local fish market for fifteen years. He would regularly see chefs, restaurant suppliers and supermarket owners walking the rows of booths, looking to purchase various pescetarian options. Recently, however, the market has been flooded with annoyingly large sun hats, strange beards, and clueless customers. “I can’t stand what’s happening,” Jake said, “these kids are coming around thinking that we’re some kind open air Japanese restaurant. I get asked if we have wasabi or ginger at least five times a day now. Everytime I tell them that I don’t do that, they call me minimalist and brave. I don’t get it.”

Jeremy Seed, one of the perpetrators, has somehow assembled a full lunch for himself in the fish market five days in a row. “The next Jiro could be here,” Jeremy told Sauce OTS, “this place is amazing. I thought I knew everything there was to know about sushi. I can’t believe how naive that notion was. You don’t know real sushi until you’ve had to eat it scales and all.” Mr. Seed brought his own avocado and soy sauce for his lunch today. One of his friends has been taking Instagram photos of the fish he bought for the past twenty minutes and claiming that the vendor he bought it from is one of the best chefs in the city. “All of us are meeting next week,” Jake Mar said, “we’re already looking for a new location for the fish market. We’ve been here for almost a hundred years, but it’s time to cut and run when people like this start showing up all the time.”
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