DAVENPORT, IA -- Employees of Cokeback Fountain, are dying of anticipation for their most recent hire’s first day. The staff was told that the rookie was a hard worker. Upon hearing this they immediately began literally jumping into the air out of sheer joy. They were in such high spirits that they themselves purchased every customer’s meal that day. Several servers took a picture of the application and showed up for work the next day with tattoos of the section where the applicant had written “I am a very hard worker.”

“I don’t even know this kid’s name and I’ve already bought two tickets for the Super Bowl so we can go together,” line cook Josh Hudson said, “If football isn’t their thing, that’s fine, we can just go on a vacation together or something. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that I’ve always wanted to be bestfriends with a hard worker.” When asked about the incoming staff member, Stacy Danish told Sauce OTS, “I literally got chills when I read the words ‘I am a very hard worker’ on the application. I’m considering quitting because I don’t think I could handle the shame if I embarrassed myself in front of someone with a work ethic like that. Two of the other servers are starting a petition to put the new hire on salary their first day, and I really think management should do it. There’s no way we could be disappointed in the outcome of hiring ‘a very hard worker.”
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