BRANSON, MO -- Robert Paulson, who insists on being called Dick, is 16 years old, has never worked a day in his life, and maintains that the girl he’s dating now will marry him as soon as he gets his GED. Billy has also managed to do something that was previously thought impossible until now. According to sources at Dobert Rowney Jr’s House of Wings, Mr. Paulson has ordered and successfully sold a menu item to a customer despite the fact that it doesn’t even exist. The discrepancy went entirely unnoticed by everyone on staff, except for the general manager.

“The kid had to have had Tupperware or something stashed in his bag,” the GM for Dobert Rowney’s informed Sauce OTS, “I see him taking the customer’s order and next thing I know, this weirdo is bringing them crab cakes on a plate that we’ve never had in the restaurant.” After following up with the equally confused patrons seated in Mr. Paulson’s section, it would appear that they did not, in fact, order anything resembling crab cakes. To top it all off, Dick hasn’t visited his only table for 35 minutes. “We were mostly confused because there were no crab cakes listed on the menu, but he told us could get some, and that they would be the best thing we’ve eaten all week. I tried them and told him they were pretty good, but then he walked off saying something about his mom. I’m very confused,” the customer went on to say: “Hey if you could get us the general manager, that’d be great.”
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