KANSAS CITY, KS -- Carter “Pop-N-Lock-It” Parker walked into Fish Past-a with a confidence that can only be sustained by a complete idiot. Jessica Gomez, his server, knew what she was about to get into after Carter was asked if he wanted a booth or table and responded: “Chair.” After holding the menu upside down for five minutes, “Pop-N-Lock-It” Parker told Jessica that he doesn’t speak Italian and then asked her to bring him “Some noodles with cheese and chicken tenders and shit on top.”
“This guy might be my favorite person ever,” Miss Gomez said. “He said ‘dope’ to every ingredient when I was telling him about our specials. I think he locked himself in the bathroom for a little bit, because he came out and told me that the men’s room door is broken and only works for people going in. He wanted to know where his food was and I had to tell him that he hadn’t ordered yet.”
After his food had arrived, Carter spent around twenty minutes telling Jessica about the B-boy fashion line he was starting and how his latest album, “Taste the Nip” was about to drop. Then, noticing how empty the restaurant was, Mr. Parker wanted to know if Fishy Past-a was closed.
“‘No,’ I said, ‘you wouldn’t be in here if we were,’” Miss Gomez recalled. “That dude was legitimately surprised when I brought him a to-go box. He held it up and asked if he was supposed to just put the money inside. Still, guy knew that he was supposed to tip 20%. That makes him smarter than 90% of the people out there. He can come back any time. I hope he does; I want to hear more about the Swaggercize classes he wants to start teaching.”
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