KANSAS CITY, MO -- Soul Train, a locomotive themed, southern-comfort restaurant, is currently the scene of a massive catastrophe. Soul Train has maintained an impeccable safety record throughout it’s fifteen years of operation. Today, however, carnage can be seen throughout the dining area, as dozens of appetizers are lying dead or dying on the floor. “I take my family here on a monthly basis, and I’ve never seen anything like this before. I tried to cover my children’s eyes when I realized what was happening, but I think they got a glance at what happened. They’re clearly shaken from what they saw,” Marissa Ryan, one of the witnesses to the tragedy, told Sauce OTS.

Soul Train has shut down for the remainder of the day, and a joint investigation by OSHA and the Jackson County Health Department is currently underway. Initial reports claim that the conductor of the Appetizer Express was texting on his phone at the time of the derailment. Darrel Owens, the man in question, had this to say on the matter: “Look man, I was just on Tinder. I’m not the monster that some of these customers are making me out to be, okay. I got excited because I got a match, and it was going really well, but she hasn’t messaged me back since the incident. So I guess I got what I had coming to me.”

Several civil and criminal charges have been filed against Mr. Owens. The crimes range from reckless endangerment of cuisine to misuse of a food delivery system and all the way to negligent entreecide. Several of the eyewitnesses are seeking psychological damages, and for Darrel to pay the cost of their medical bills from the therapy they will certainly require after the traumatic event. The owners of Soul Train have announced that they will be closing the restaurant permanently. They will be reopening the restaurant at another location, one that is unmarred by such a tremendous disaster.
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