MESA, AZ -- Clark Bronson, self-proclaimed badass, regularly performs feats of incredible strength and dexterity while on the clock at The Jaeger Bomber, a local bar and restaurant one strike away from being shut down for serving minors. Everyone on staff knows that when a big top walks in, it’s Mr. Bronson’s time to shine. The expo stares in awe of Clark’s ultra-masculine and cool ability to carry a ton of plates at the same time.

	“That guy is one of the flyest guys I’ve ever seen,” Marsha Jimenez, Clark’s manager, said. “Sometimes he doesn’t even use a tray to run food to an 8 top, and we’re all just so impressed when that happens. With a gift like that, obviously, Clark is the most eligible bachelor in the restaurant. I can’t think of anything sexier than a guy who can take an inconvenient amount of porcelain from one location to another without dropping it.”

	Anytime a server hears Mr. Bronson’s hopelessly vain shouts of “Corner,” they step aside, begin clapping, and wait for their hero to emerge from the expo station. 

	“Who, Clark? Coolest guy I know,” Dave David Daves IV, a line cook and fanboy, told Sauce On the Side. “All of us in the kitchen just think he’s the shit. We’re totally jealous of how many things he can hold in his arms. We all know just from watching him work that his dick must be huge. We’re all getting matching tattoos of his face in the hopes that he notices us.”

	Clark, due to the fact that he’s busy “crushing it day in and day out like a natty ice can on his forehead,” has yet to have been reached for comment at the time of publication.
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