Stephanie Meyer, server at Buffalo Bill’s Screamin’ Italian Delights, is in the middle of a crisis of conscience due to her own dishonesty and subsequent lack of reparations. She had spent the better half of an hour insisting that a young couple’s baby was ‘cute,’ despite the fact that their spawn looked like Freddy Krueger and Carrot Top had a tryst with the corpse of Dan Rather. Even with the compliments toward the ugliest child on the face of the planet, Stephanie only received a twelve percent tip for her performance.

“If there’s one thing I’m known for it’s my honesty, and I feel that my integrity has been brought into question because of my own actions,” Stephanie told Sauce OTS, “there’s nothing worse than being deprived of something you hold so dear. I’ve already called my therapist and tried to get an emergency session with her.” After suffering a mild panic attack caused by the family that has managed to create a literal abomination, Ms. Meyer was sent home for the day. She has informed this reporter that she plans on taking legal action against the family for defamation of character.
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