DETROIT, MI—It was a Sunday in late September and the beginning of football season, a most hectic time of the year at McPherson’s Sports Bar and Grille. Everyone was on edge as sales hit record highs and the days were edging in on the results of a cut-throat competition to win Employee of the Month. McPherson’s decided to up the ante for the Employee of the Month by offering the victor a 100 dollar bar tab every week. Several brawls have occurred in the parking lot after this announcement.


At 7:32 PM, it was all-hands-on-deck for the serving staff as they scrambled to prepare for the inevitable rush due to the Detroit Lions’ epic win over the New England Patriots (26-10). While the entire serving staff was thick in the weeds, Darius Albreit, the generally useless bartender, took advantage of his empty section and saved the rest of front-of-house by bussing the first table he saw on his way out of the bathroom. He was sure to make it very obvious to everyone on the clock at the time how selfless he was being. David walked off with a bus bin piled high with two plates and a fork. As for wiping the table down; Mr. Albreit couldn’t be bothered to debase himself in such a manner.

“He just brushed all the crumbs on the floor and replaced the condiments…” An unnamed busser told Sauce OTS, “I saw a host wipe it before reseating.” The most upsetting part of David’s heroism was that a very drunk general manager, Keiser Briggs, saw Albreit’s first and only “good deed” for September and decided to name him Employee of the Month in post-victory inebriation. Burnt-out, the serving staff shares their frustration brashly:


“That should have been me.” -Beth Hanover, hourly serving manager


“He’s never worked a f***ing day in his life.” -name redacted, busser


“It’s…it’s just not fair.” -Erin Jackson, host

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