BATON ROUGE, LA — Dale Bernhardt is currently on his premiere bartending shift at The Single’s Double, and somehow crushing it. Despite having no previous experience, and only ever drinking Coors and Kentucky Gentleman, Mr. Bernhardt is flourishing. Every seat at the bar is occupied by what is sure to be a regular from now on, and each patron is after Dale’s accidental signature cocktail. “I don’t really know what I’m doing at all, but it seems to be going well. Do you know what this thing is,” Dale, holding up a shaker, told Sauce OTS.

Despite every customer ordering the exact same thing from him, they all have received their drink in a different glass. “This guy is a renegade,” Samantha, one of the patrons, said, “I love how he shirks the notions of measuring pours in any way whatsoever, asking anyone what drink they’d like; and bothering to start a tab for his customers. Dale is a true artist.” Even while being lauded by his customers for his complete ineptitude, it is very clear that Mr. Bernhardt is nervous. The main issue for him, is that he forgot to put a tip jar out at the beginning of his shift.

` “I just feel like it would be rude to put one out now,” Dale explained, “I don’t want people to get the wrong idea and think that I want their tip money. I’ll have to remember to do that tomorrow. Also, I’m not really sure how the POS system works, I haven’t really been able to start or close a tab at all. One of the guys asked me for a beer, but I didn’t know which one he was talking about so I just made him what I’ve been giving everyone else. Do you have any idea how much a cocktail with blue curacao, vodka, sprite and lemonade would cost? Also, I have no idea how much of each ingredient I’ve been putting in the drinks.” At this time, it is unclear whether Dale will remain employed after he finishes this shift.

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