CHICAGO, IL — Trisha Douglas has been a bartender at Gordo’s Tapas for the past three months. Over this period of time, she began noticing a pattern of behavior that seemed vaguely familiar to her. “Some of the servers and kitchen guys have a beer after work,” Trisha, clutching her Book of Mormon, told Sauce On the Side, “my uncle had beer when he got off work. I’m pretty sure that made him an alcoholic. He died when he was only 47 after being hit by a car.” Miss Douglas is having trouble finding work as a bartender with a staff that doesn’t remind her of her uncle. Nobody has been able to convince her that this is an impossible task.


Trisha has been threatening to quit because she’s having trouble working in an environment where she can judge everyone so easily. She has managed to talk herself out of it every single time by telling herself that she’s the only one who can make a difference. “She keeps giving everybody pamphlets and talking about how her uncle died young,” Candice Anderson, who has a glass of wine after work, said, “don’t get me wrong, it’s tragic that her uncle was hit by a car, but how she sees a connection between that and drinking is beyond me. We read the police report, it was one of those self-driving cars being beta tested and her uncle was sober when it happened. Why doesn’t she start crusading for pedestrian safety instead?”

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