MIAMI, FL — The streets of Miami are slick with grease after a successful coup in the Burger King headquarters. It would seem that the Burger King himself, after neglecting his subjects for far too long, has been forced to let those under his rule truly have it their way. “It was time,” Grimace, covered in ketchup, said, “we have been living under the tyranny of the Burger King for far too long. We did everything we could to keep grease from being spilled, but he wouldn’t cave to any of our demands or provide us with basic civil rights.”


The coup itself was backed by several foreign interests such as Chipotle and dark money that was successfully traced back to Taco Bell. The pieces of the razed empire have been left to be picked up by the dissidents responsible for his ousting. “We are so excited to see the dawn of a new, democratic burger kingdom,” Mayor McCheese, widely considered to be a puppet of the former Burger King, told Sauce OTS, “I’m so excited to see what becomes of this brave new world.” Elections are set to be held later this year, with a vivacious Wendy projected to be squaring up against the former King party’s own Hamburgler candidate.

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