FORT WAYNE, IN — The crew of One Eight Seven Hunger has no idea exactly what it is that they’re doing. They were requested to cater an event today, but their client neglected to inform them what the gig was specifically. “It was kind of weird, because she was crying the whole time we were on the phone,” Jeff Seconds, head caterer and aspiring dog owner, told Sauce OTS, “but honestly, that could go either way. Tears of joy and sorrow sound the same when you’re on the phone. It was pretty short notice, but again, who’s to say. The event space is so neutral we don’t have a clue what’s going on.” The staff was let into the area that they would be preparing the food. Unfortunately, the woman who organized the event was wearing a t-shirt and jeans, and she had said something about having to change her clothes.


Opinions from the catering group have been divided. The crew has been using a whiteboard to vote on whether it’s a Life or Loss scenario. They have managed to agree on some things: no finger foods will be served regardless, shrimp is outside of their budget, and that they’re still going to have a tip jar no matter what it turns out to be. “I know it might be insensitive to ask for tips at a funeral,” Darcy Jones, a bartender for One Eight Seven Hunger, said, “but you know what? You can’t expect us to have a smile on our face throughout your grief, or happiness, if we aren’t making good money. We’ve been so into figuring this out, there’s no way we’re actually going to be ready on time.” Most of the staff still plans on going home with someone from the event no matter what happens.


In fact, they weren’t ready for the event. The customers didn’t seem to notice, there were no complaints, but patience isn’t exactly a clue. The servers walking through the crowd have reported back to the kitchen that everyone is wearing cocktail attire. Everyone present seems to be waiting for something, but Darcy pointed out that it could be for a casket or for the bride and groom to return from taking pictures. The conversation that can be overheard has proven to be frustratingly vague. “They are just talking about their lives. Frankly, this whole thing is starting to piss me off,” Jeff said, “we’ve managed to overhear a couple people saying the phrase ‘what a whirlwind,’ but that doesn’t give us anything. Somebody else said: ‘It’s all over for Jeff now.’ What the hell am I supposed to do with that?”

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