SAINT LOUIS, MO — Jennifer Cloverfield has been a chef her entire adult life. One could say that food is her passion and his restaurant, La Poetica, her muse. In fact, both of her ex husbands have said it on multiple occasions. Occasionally, this adoration of cuisine spills over, quite violently, into her personal life, and Jenny’s family is on the receiving end of this violent adoration at the moment. What was supposed to be a fun and lighthearted cookout in the park has devolved into tears of sorrow and woe. Her children are currently cowering inside the playground, rigid with fear.


“I am disgusted with my entire family right now,” Mrs. Cloverfield, wearing a bloody ‘Kiss the Cook’ apron and brandishing a red hot spatula, told Sauce OTS, “this would’ve been fun if they knew what the hell they were doing. But no, instead my husband and two kids are taking their sweet time. It took ,what I formerly referred to as my five year old son, eight minutes to cut an onion.” Things truly began to go downhill when her family’s food hit twenty minutes. At that point, Jennifer called the order back to them again. Unfortunately, no one bothered to call it back.


It was at this point that Mrs. Cloverfield enlisted the “verbal scorched earth” policy that most chefs save for their line. She asked her husband if he knew that it wasn’t food safe to have his thumb up his ass, because that’s clearly what his situation was. When he tried to retaliate Jenny fired another salvo off at him, saying: “Why don’t you save the opinions for the therapist you cry to every week. Cook the food. Just say ‘yes chef’ and do it.” Her wrath was then directed at her children, who she fired on the spot and then told them that it would’ve been better if they’d pulled a no-call no-show today.

Sauce On the Side was never able to clarify where the blood on her “Kiss the Cook” apron came from.

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