RENO, NV — The Shellfish Clam, area restaurant, has closed for the day after becoming an active crime scene. Officers swarmed the premises after a call went out at 6:30pm, stating that several plates had become casualties of a careless waiter. As many as seven dishes are alleged to be involved in the massacre. Kevin Barkley, the server in question, has been arrested and charged with voluntary manslaughter and criminal negligence. Sauce OTS caught up with the head chef as she was heading down to the station.
“This is a tragedy and an outrage. I’ve been running this kitchen for years, and I can confidently say that I’ve never seen someone so callous about the life of an entree,” Cameron Angleson, informed this reporter, “and now, I have to go into the coroner’s office in order to identify the meals that have fallen victim to that monster. I’m just nervous that there’s going to be a scampi on the slab when they pull that sheet back. If there is, I know I’ll just start bawling whether I want to or not.” Sauce OTS was able to confirm that Cameron will be pressing charges and giving a written statement to the police.
Upon arriving on the scene, several officers could be seen sprinting out of the back door in order to vomit. This reporter was able to speak with one of them, “I know that it’s policy not to talk with the press about ongoing investigations, but I’ve never seen anything so heinous in my fifteen years on the force,” the unnamed officer told Sauce OTS, “there’s garnish everywhere, and it’s like that server painted the walls with those poor entrees’ cocktail sauce. As far as I’m concerned, this is an open and shut case, and the animal who did this is going straight to prison.”