Chef Uses Turkey Baster As Stomach Pump On New Hire

By May 23, 2019 No Comments

GLENDALE, AZ — Chef Tony Morrison, no relation, prides himself on having the most hardcore hazing rituals in the entire state, despite the fact that no one is trying to compete with him. Forrest Wilson wasn’t aware of this before applying to work in Chef Morrison’s kitchen. Unfortunately, Forrest isn’t the type to quit when things get tough. This has led to some interesting situations and multiple hospitalizations. Just last week, Mr. Wilson was forced to drink an entire bottle of vodka every time the penne on special that night was ordered. As he collapsed to the ground forty minutes into working with severe alcohol poisoning, Morrison lept into action. “You die, I write you up, motherfucker,” he shouted as he grabbed a turkey baster and shoved it down Wilson’s throat. It still unclear how or why that worked at the time, considering several doctors have insisted that it is impossible, but Forrest managed to finish the shift afterward (the front of house manager instructed the servers to tell customers that they were out of the penne from then on). “You work in my kitchen, you better be able to run the gauntlet,” Chef Morrison told Sauce On the Side. “If my cooks aren’t moderately traumatized after two months of working here, I haven’t done my job. I’m proud of what the new guy has been able to withstand. He’s almost earned my respect. One more week of binge drinking and then he’s on to the final challenge: cocaine. I call it my Winter Wonderland experience. If he makes it through that, and if his girlfriend won’t let me sleep with her, then he’s gonna make it.”

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