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SEATTLE, WA — Alvaro Blake ended his shift five hours ago. In that time, he has managed to consume twelve Pabst Blue Ribbons, two shots of Fernet, and half of a gin and tonic. “I’m not even sure where he’s getting the booze from. We cut him off two hours ago,” Sheldon, Alvaro’s coworker and former bartender, said, “I knew he’d had enough when he started hitting on the POS system in the server section.” When Mr. Blake was told that he was cut off, he responded by saying that he just needed to eat something. He then proceeded to grab the bar’s garnish tray, and eat everything inside of it. “It was mostly lemons and olives. I don’t get why he thought that was going to do anything,” Sheldon told Sauce OTS.

After mysteriously continuing to drink for an additional two hours, Alvaro had decided it was time to leave, and that he needed to grab some actual food for the road. His fellow kitchen workers decided to hide his keys from him when he boxed up a side of fries that he “cooked” in a fryer that had been turned off hours ago. “We called him an Uber,” Tom, another line cook, said, “I’m just glad I know his address. Because I am certain that he doesn’t right now.” Alvaro was given an actual meal to take home with him. While waiting for his ride home to arrive, Mr. Blake was treating himself to a bottle of cooking sherry and singing “Born On the Bayou” by Creedence Clearwater Revival. He was so intoxicated that he believed it to be the national anthem. Sheldon helped him into the Uber, turned, and said: “That guy works in the morning. I have no idea how that’s going to happen.”

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