COLUMBUS, OH — Connor Francis has been claiming that he has a girlfriend to his fellow co-workers at We’ll Call It Raychel’s But With A ‘Y’ for around six months now. Throughout this period, Connor has made nigh impossible assertions about his alleged girlfriend, including the fact that she’s an Olympic medal-winning Tae Bo fighter. “We’ve all been so sarcastically excited to meet this ‘Stacy’ for so long,” Rob Highe, one of Connor’s coworkers told Sauce On the Side, “but she seems to have some kind of emergency right before she’s supposed to come in. Every single time. Weird, right?”


Rather than confront Mr. Francis about his obvious falsehoods, the staff has decided to lean into it and embrace the madness. Every time someone asks him if they would know ‘Stacy,’ Connor simply says that they probably wouldn’t because she goes to another restaurant. Attempts to get the name of the restaurant out of him have been fruitless.

When Sauce On the Side asked if we could interview Stacy for this piece, Connor said the following: “Yeah, I’m sure you could. She’s super hot. My babe Stacy is just so busy I don’t know if she could fit it into her schedule. Between work, living an active lifestyle, and our sexy AF lovemaking, it’s gonna be hard to find the time. Did I tell you that she bought me a car? Yeah, but someone stole it out of my apartment building’s parking lot. I didn’t call the cops because it was probably the mob who took it. My sugarplum didn’t want to get us roped in with those guys. I know she could fight them if she had to…” this went on for around forty-five minutes. Connor has yet to introduce ‘Stacy’ to his family as well.

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