DETROIT, MI — Steve Almond, first time customer of Wok The Line, is being forcibly removed from the restaurant after an inspiring display of jackassery. Steve insists that his behavior tonight is out of the ordinary, despite his Tapout T-shirt, and that he is actually a really nice guy. The staff of Wok The Line, don’t seem to believe him despite his insistence. “I just don’t buy it,” Sasha, the bartender, told Sauce OTS, “the guy is a complete asshole. My mom was sitting in the stool next to him, and he wouldn’t stop aggressively hitting on her. Not even when I told him who she was, he just ramped it up. At a certain point, I couldn’t even be mad about it. I kind of admired how steadfast of a dick he was being.”

Steve would like it to be known that he does not normally place his excrement in the urinal, or throw trash cans across a restaurant. Apparently, his girlfriend knows that he’s really nice; and that if she were here, she would back him up on that fact. Mr. Almond’s girlfriend could not be reached for comment, due to the fact that she does not exist. After informing the entire restaurant that he was wasted and laying across a table full of food, Steve was picked up by several staff members and hauled out the front door. This despite the fact the he said, “What the fuck? You can’t kick me out, I’m not that bad. You guys don’t get it, I’m a good person. This is bullshit. Fuck all of you, I’m going to Yelp review the shit out of you guys.” At the time of publication, Mr. Almond has yet to post anything about his dining experience online.

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