EL PASO, TX — Cynthia Brown and her husband Marcus decided to spend their anniversary at Clam Up, a local seafood spot. Over the past hour, however, Cynthia has been growing more and more irate at the fact that her husband has not once ogled their waitress, Candice. “I mean, Candice is super hot,” Cynthia, picking the larger flakes of bread crumbs off her scampi, told Sauce On the Side, “I can’t believe how well this night is going right now. When Candice dropped her pen and bent over to pick it up he just stared at me the whole time. I was really counting on getting into a fight with him tonight. If he keeps this up I might actually have to have sex with him.”


Mrs. Brown, in her determination to avoid intimacy with her husband, pulled their server aside and asked her if there was anything she could do to get sexier. “I’ve had some weird tables before,” Candice said, “but I think these two take the cake. This guy’s wife keeps asking me to tart it up for her husband. I don’t know if they’re swingers or what, but the guy has been super polite. I don’t think he knows what his wife is up to. Every time I come over to their table, that woman keeps calling me ‘Candy’ and telling me how sweet I am. I have told her every single time that my name is Candice, not Candy. These two better tip well.”

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