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NORFOLK, VA — Day Daniel Lewis, avid Yelp reviewer and self-proclaimed wine snob, feels that he is currently decemating his server, Stacy, and her attempts to sell him more than what he wants to order. “I’m in Mensa, so I don’t even feel like this is a fair fight,” Day, sounding exactly like the dick you think he is, told Sauce OTS, “This poor girl thinks she can get me to order anything other than what I came in for? Think again. In this game of chess, I’m the king and she’s merely a pawn.” Mr. Lewis was certain to point out that when Stacy tried to tell him about the specials, he raised his hand to stop her from talking and simply said ‘cobb salad and a water, darling.’

. “I have no idea what this guy’s deal is, but he’s a real prick,” Stacy said, “every time I try to do my job by making recommendations, he shuts me down. I asked him if he’d like to see our cocktail menu and he laughed at me and said, ‘sweetheart, you can’t best me. You’re simply out of your element. Don’t come at me with your game of checkers.’ I just know this asshole isn’t going to tip.” After receiving the check, Mr. Lewis literally patted himself on the back and said, “another successful day’s hunt.” After congratulating himself, the jackass proceeded to tip 4.5%. The Yelp Day wrote about his experience including no relevant information about the restaurant. It was just 3,000 words detailing how shitty of a person he is.

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