BOISE, ID — Chad Bradley has been sitting Boozy Call’s bar for the past two and a half hours. He has been drinking whiskey as if he’s going to prison, which is entirely possible at this point. Chad has passed the time of his progression towards drunkenness aggressively hitting on the bartender. Claire McGovern, his victim, has done everything she can to deflect his misogyny, but her best efforts are proving futile. “This guy sucks so much,” Claire said, “the worst part is that he’s been my only customer for most of the day. It’s 3pm on a Monday and this dude is pouding whiskeys faster than anyone I’ve ever seen.”

Mr. Bradley struggled to find the bathroom several minutes ago. He could be heard giving himself a pep talk in the bathroom at an uncomfortably loud level. Claire was forced to listen to him saying things like: “You’re the man, you can do this,” “she wants a taste of the Chad so bad,” and “I’m the best there is.” He could also be heard doing almost seven push ups. Upon returning from the restroom, incredibly sweaty, Chad fumbled onto his barstool and motioned Claire over to him by wagging his finger. “So, I can’t help but notice you’ve been hanging out with me all day,” Mr. Bradley said. “Well, that’s my job. So yeah,” Claire responded. Chad proceeded to ask for her number and give an open-mouth wink that lasted far longer than necessary. Claire took a deep breath, wrote a phone number on a cocktail napkin, and gave it to him. “I cut him off and sent him home,” Ms. McGovern told Sauce OTS, “I went through his phone while he was in the bathroom, and I got his mom’s number. I doubt he’ll be coming back anytime soon.”

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