NEW YORK, NY — Tom Baxter and his wife Susan were hoping to have a nice night out for their anniversary. These hopes were almost immediately dashed upon the couple’s seating at Doomsday Peppers, their favorite Mexican restaurant. Tom, semi-devoted husband and avid ogler, turned to Susan the moment they were brought menus and said, loud enough for everyone in the restaurant to hear: “I thought we were going to get the hotter one. She at least has more of a personality.”


Ashley Markson, their server and the second-hottest “one” in the restaurant according to Tom, did her best to maintain a smile as she told them that whoever he was talking about probably had the day off. To which Mr. Baxter replied, again loud enough for every guest to hear: “You know which one I mean. You could be step-sisters.” Rather than confronting any of these incredibly unnerving insinuations, Ashley powered through and asked them for their drink order.”


“It’s our anniversary today,” Susan Baxter, staring straight into the menu and wishing that something in the restaurant would catch fire, told Sauce On the Side, “and this is my favorite restaurant. I wasn’t sure why he was so eager to come here, but I guess I know why now. I used to be a server, you know. I always thought that I would never marry someone who acted like the customers nobody wanted. Then I started working in an office. Now I think marrying Tom was my subconscious need to keep that internal masochism that permeates every restaurant workers psyche alive inside of me. Don’t worry. We’re going to tip the bill.”

Leave a Reply