Despite Tornado Warning, Susan Wants Her Mimosa

By June 3, 2019 No Comments

NORMAN, OK — Thunderclouds and hail bearing down on the city center did not stop Susan, Cheryl, Bobbie, and Sandy from making their triweekly brunch date at The Cereal Crepeist, a local pan cultural breakfast joint.”I’ve lived through hundreds of tornados, this is just another storm, built up by the liberal media to sell ponchos,” Cheryl said, as this reporter cowered behind a refrigerator. As winds outside exceeded 70 mph the customers in question pounded on the bar, demanding service. After all, the restaurant had stood for nearly 4 years since the last tornado had destroyed a bunch of houses and opened up a new area for business.”If I’m gonna die, I want to be full of bubbles,” shouted Susan. “Champagne is great! It’s like opening up all the windows in your house. You have to balance the pressure. Science.””Around here tornados are the best job creators,” said Paul Fist, the manager of the Crepeist. “A tornado comes down and wipes out a bunch of boring stores, and just like that, there’s room for new stores. When I first got here it was just a bunch of houses built in the 1920’s with big back yards and a community garden that all the residents helped out with. Now they’re all dead and I have a restaurant! The good times will never end.””Yeah, Paul’s a…how would you say it? Psychotic Entrepreneur? I don’t know, I’ve only been working on my English for 15 years, I don’t think you guys have a word for when someone is a ‘Business Fascist,'” said Klarissa, the head bartender. “He does really fucked up shit. The last time a storm came through, he said the basement was a ‘Speakeasy’ and charged $5 more for all the drinks. Maybe that’s OK, though, people fell for it.”Chuck, a cook and wizened veteran of many storms in this area, with a Bidenesque penchant for providing aggressively impromptu massages refused to leave the kitchen. “I will die at my post. If the storm comes through here. I’ll go down with the chips. Then maybe my mother will stop saying that I should have joined the army.”In the end, the storm passed. Remarkably with only part of the roof ripped off and a mere two customers seriously injured.”Extended patio seating! Just $10 to upgrade from basement to outside seating,” Manager Fist said gleefully. “Thank god no employees were hurt, the EEOC keeps getting on to me about all these ‘workplace deaths.’ I just can’t take another hit like that with Worker’s Comp.””I love storms” Susan said on her way out the door. “Usually the power gets knocked out and all the cops are busy ‘saving people’ I can drive as drunk as I want.”

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