CHULA VISTA, CA — Tucker Bradley is one of those guys that if Jesus had met him, Jesus would have said: “What a dick.” Every one of his coworkers at Fowl à Deux says that about him six and a half times a shift, on average. Last week, after snapping a towel at the line cooks one too many times, Tucker was sent to his time-out corner in dry storage to think about what he’s done. While there, Mr. Bradley decided that it would be a good idea proposition every single female server who came back there for sex.


Thankfully, Fowl à Deux has an HR department that takes these kinds of complaints very seriously. Over the course of his reprimanding and compliance training, Tucker not only came onto the head of HR but also his sensitivity coach. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” Sandra Carter, head of human resources, said, “don’t get me wrong, everything he was doing was incredibly offensive. But his absolutely unapologetic piggishness was majestic in its own completely horrifying way. He’s going to get fired. Don’t worry about that, we just want to keep him around for observation a little longer. We’re making a new handbook this year and he’s an amazing resource for listing everything you’re not supposed to do.”

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