Drunk Chef Accidentally Yells At Correct Employees

By November 6, 2019 No Comments

RIVERSIDE, CA — Clinton Newton can be found any given Sunday afternoon gloriously drunk, just next level wasted, shouting any complaint, relevant or otherwise, at anyone who makes the mistake of looking into his eyes. This Sunday, however, Clinton directed his ire on the actual origin of his problems. Timmy and Chad, the weekend dishwashers who collect fidget spinners for sport, are currently being chastised for putting metal sixth pans on the same shelf as the plastic ones. Obviously the level of profanity being used is completely unnecessary and the message is being lost through myriad tangents, but the fact that Chef Newton is actually yelling at the right people has everyone in shock. “By now, he’s usually berating customers for stuff like this,” Candice Calthrop, the bartender who over-serves him every Sunday because she’s scared of what would happen if she cut him off, told Sauce On the Side. “I’m not even sure if he’s aware that he’s referring to the correct ‘inbred idiots.’” In a typical restaurant, this would be the point where someone suggests writing up the perpetrators in question. Unfortunately for the staff, the last time this was suggested Clinton got lost on the way back with the forms and ended up firing a server for sending out raw chicken. Instead, everyone’s taking solace in the fact that Chef is directing his anger constructively for the first time since 2006. Below is an excerpt of the drunken rant.Chef Newton: You two fucking fucks! Why did you stack the pans like this?Chad: What?Chef Newton: That’s what I thought no fucking excuse! You’re both so goddamn useless. You two just look like abortions that didn’t take–Timmy: No, we just didn’t hear what you said.Chef Newton: I know you little bitches don’t listen to my face when it’s talking. So here’s how shelves work motherfuckers. You know what? This is why you didn’t go to that baseball game last week. Because you have no idea what it’s like to be a winner. That’s where your fucking Christian parents went wrong. Not everybody gets a trophy. The exchange went on like this for another thirty-five minutes. It’s worth noting that both Timmy and Chad are Jewish.

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