CHATTANOOGA, TN — It’s a warm, spring eve on the patio of O’Leaney’s, a local pub and grille. The night is calm and the flowers are in bloom. All around the city, there is a resounding feeling of tranquility and birth anew. One cannot help but feel transfixed by the magic of spring. Then there’s the kitchen crew of O’Leaney’s, who has come to the conclusion, after an intense session of riotous drinking and infrequent gagging, that they are on the verge of one of the greatest discoveries in the history of mankind.


Sauce OTS found the group in a state of utter inebriation, chain smoking, and shouting about the breakthrough they’ve made. The following conversation could be heard from over a block away: “I’m telling you, th-this could work. We juss half-to follow through with it….you know what I mean, Jerry? Jerry, stop falling asleep.” The wasted line cook woke Jerry and continued: “We just need to find the people, you know, the people. Good people is what we need, and it’s hard without good people.” In order to gain greater understanding as to what the kitchen staff was talking about, this reporter made his way into O’Leaney’s.


The Front of House staff is equally confused as to what exactly the line cooks are talking about, but they are certain that this is a level of passion they’ve only seen from the kitchen when an order is sent back. From what Sauce OTS could gather from the bartender; the kitchen crew has already purchased 500 chickens online, to be delivered to the restaurant the next day. They also spent over forty five minutes on LinkedIn, looking for someone who is both Food Safe Certified and qualified to handle high explosives.

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