GUANGZHOU, CHINA — Baker Tennyson has worked as a cook at several United States embassies across the globe. “I thought it’d be a great way to see the world without having to get any specific training,” Baker told Sauce OTS, “plus, I just tell my parents I’m a spy and that’s why I keep getting transferred to different locations.” Mr. Tennyson has never been able to stay at a single Consulate for any lengthy amount of time. He insists that he has only been transferred due to ‘creative differences’ with his previous chefs.

Sauce On the Side was able to track down his former boss in Cuba, who had this to say about Baker: “That kid’s an idiot. One of his specials was what I guess you could call sushi, if you count undercooked duck liver on rice some kind of fresh take on sushi. He sent a diplomat to the hospital for a week after that one. Oh, and I’m absolutely positive that he’s never been Food Safe Certified. There’s just no way. But once you’re in the Culinary, we can’t fire you. So we just have to keep transferring him to worse posts until he resigns.”

When asked if he was Food Safe Certified, Mr. Tennyson simply said that it was just “more government red tape.” Wendy Grace, head chef for the American Embassy in Guangzhou and Baker’s current boss, has been painfully aware of Mr. Tennyson since his arrival. “Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he were either completely incompetent, or the worst double agent ever recruited by a foreign power,” Wendy said, “whoever thinks it’s a good idea to serve chicken tartar to shouldn’t be in this line of work. I can’t wait to get rid of him.”

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