Kansas City, MO — It was a busy Sunday. An adorable little wine bar called Rose It Ain’t So was frantically preparing for the daily happy hour rush. They had already had three employees experience transportation issues getting to work, and manager Helene Froth was completely beside herself.“Was the bus really late?” she was demanding of a server when our crew walked in. “Or did you just miss it and have to wait for the next one? Why are you attacking me like this?!” She paused to wipe away a tear before turning away from the server in question and apologizing to our crew, who had also arrived late because the Uber app was down for a while. “I’m so sorry about all the issues we’re having. As you know, Mercury is in retrograde.”One of our crew members dug into his backpack to pull out his bottle of Gatorade and study the ingredient list. “Focus, Brad,” we had to tell him. “It’s retrograde. Your Gatorade is fine.”“We’re just waiting for our head bartender Theresa,” Froth explained to us. “She really holds us together during the rush. She’s a Leo, and we all kind of gravitate around her light and her strong personality. We couldn’t do it without her. April and Alice are our Gemini twins; they work pretty well together but you never know what their mood is going to be. Crystal is a Pisces, so she tends to drink a little too much of the wine, but we let it slide because she’s really amazing at upselling.”We didn’t ask what Helene’s sign was because she was obviously a Cancer. Customers began arriving in small droves and the staff became increasingly worried as Theresa did not show up or make any attempt to communicate the reason for her absence. “Mercury’s retrograde is especially strong this season,” Helene told us, wringing her hands as her eyes darted frantically around the group of patrons waiting by the bar. “It’s moving into fire sign Leo in conjunction with fire planet Mars, but also has a strong connection with Uranus and Chiron, planet of wounding and healing. Mercury is the planet of communication, obviously, so all these factors make it really hard on all of us. I really can’t blame her for no-call-no-showing.” Tears streamed down her face as she began pouring drinks. “I’m sorry I’m so emotional right now. It’s just that Mercury takes us out of our rational minds and channels all the negative energy into our daily tasks. It’s just hard to force anyone to take responsibility for anything during this trying time.”

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