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ORLANDO, FL — Charlie Chopman’s is a fine dining experience, unlike any other. In order to ensure that the restaurant is attracting elite and refined clientele, Charlie’s has made it enormously difficult to get a table. Reservations are not allowed, business hours are between 7 and 7:45pm every other leap year, the entire dining area consists of five tables, and average price of an entree hovers around 95 dollars. “I love how they won’t allow just anyone in there,” Kyle Marks, a regular at Charlie Chopman’s, told Sauce OTS, “the hostess is disguised as a panhandler on a random street corner. In order to get a seat, you have to go around to random street corners asking homeless people if they’ve ever been arrested for prostitution.”

In addition to having no menu whatsoever, Charlie’s also forces their customers to bring their own plates and silverware. “What we really strive for, is the ultimate dining experience,” Banksy, creator of Charlie Chopman’s, said, “I think we’ve truly pushed the service industry to its limits. That’s why we’ve been closed for the last month. That hasn’t stopped people from coming in to the restaurant, though. We have a vending machine in the kitchen now, and I think our diners have been happy with that alone.” Food critics have been calling this latest development “bold” and “confusing but brilliant.” Banksy plans to lock the doors of Charlie Chopman’s permanently next week, regardless of who is inside.

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