PORTLAND, OR — The crew of Veals on Wheels is slowly realizing that their idea of working in a mobile kitchen isn’t turning out the way they thought it would. They’ve driven across the country three times, set up shop in every state, and still have yet to see a single spooky mansion that needs investigating. After a few months, they decided that it must be the fact that they don’t have a dog.

After adopting one they found on the side of the road that looked a lot like the pictures on missing posters around town, the staff of Veals on Wheels expected their luck to change. Despite their best efforts and one dognapping, a haunted riverboat hasn’t materialized anywhere they’ve been.

“I’m starting to think there’s no mystery left in the world,” Fredrick Louise, line cook and idiot, told Sauce On the Side. “I mean, all the boxes are checked. We smoke weed, hired a dirty hippy, got a dog, I want to bang one of my coworkers, and we regularly participate in meddling. I don’t know what else needs to happen before this food truck drives up to a creepy castle full of ghosts. We took a vote, and if we don’t get any good mysteries in the next month, we’re going to shut this down and start driving around in a school bus instead.”

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