BALTIMORE, MD — Brad, Chad, Parker, and Fish, a group of fraternity brother at Sigma Alpha Epsilon, have decided that they wanted to have a night of binge drinking in moderation at a local lesbian bar. The impetus for this decision was that they all hoped to go out to a bar without getting hit on for once.


“It’s really annoying when you’re just trying to have a quiet night out with you and your bros and the ladies keep coming up trying to get a dose of our vitamin D, you know,” Brad, sporting the same over-stretched tank top as his fellow dicks, told Sauce On the Side, “I don’t know if them bitties know what I’m talking about but it can be exhausting to be treated like an object.”


Chad, chiming in after downing his third Jaeger bomb, said: “Trill, bro. It’s like: ‘Hello, I’m a person. Okay?”


The poly-sci majors seem to be completely unaware of the audible whooshing sound as the point flies over their heads. Around twenty minutes and six Bud Lights later, the group of assholes wasted no time aggressively hitting on everyone in sight. As they were being kicked out, they managed to ask everyone at the bar if they knew who their dads were. It remains to be seen how many of them will claim to have hooked up with someone from the bar tomorrow morning.

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