ATLANTA, GA — After receiving multiple complaints regarding unsafe working conditions in the kitchen at Polenta of Thyme, OSHA finally took notice and launched an investigation. The most peculiar aspect of the case is the fact that none of the line cooks were the ones making their grievences known; it was the front of house employees. Over the course of 8 months, the servers at Polenta of Thyme watched the tension grow alongside the temperature in the kitchen.

“At first we thought that they were just having trouble with the hood vents or something,” Max Lowell, server and aspiring incel told Sauce On the Side. “Turns out they work just fine. Then all of us starting watching the back of house boys interact with each other. That’s when we saw it. They would get all pissy with each other, and us, for no goddamn reason, and that’s just never been my general experience with line cooks.”

The servers watched throught the window in horror and shock as what seemed to be completely trivial matters were blown epically out of proportion. Something that, miraculously, everyone on the serving side had never seen in a kitchen before. They were appalled after one of the cooks misplated an entree in the middle of a rush and was berated for the rest of the shift.

“I just don’t know why they have to be so crass back there,” Candice Johnson, server and youth counselor, said. “There’s no need to describe a sexual act about another person’s mother in such lurid detail, and every time someone makes a mistake, the rest of the cooks back there pounce on that weakness like a pack of hyenas. I’ve just never seen such animosity. It blows me away that they can get drunk together after work.”

“I have no idea what they’re not getting,” Daniel Cord, one of the line cooks, told Sauce On the Side. “I’m pretty sure it’s in our contract that we have to mentally ravage our coworkers back here every single day. I guess the servers out there think that we should be nice to each other or whatever, but I’m pretty sure everyone back here would have a collective aneurysm if we tried. Oh, and fuck OSHA, we’re all masochists too. They can try and tell us that it’s not safe to work back there but that’s not going to stop us from selling the food.”

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