CLEVELAND, OH — Chef Tamara Blaine walked into her first shift at The Chive Turkey having been warned that her new employees were “crude, lewd, rude, and occasionally semi-nude.” Having worked in the industry for years, this warning didn’t concern her in the slightest. She knew just what to do. On her second shift, she heard someone say “don’t be a pussy,” and Chef Blaine fired right back with: “Oh, so you mean don’t take a pounding and keep on trucking? It’s eight thousand nerve endings and it’s still not as sensitive as you are when I tell you your chicken’s overcooked, Dale.” “If I have to hear them talk about their dicks all day, you better believe I’m gonna give them a taste of their own medicine,” Tamara told Sauce On the Side. Every one of the line cooks is unsure how to take their boss’s unique approach in dealing with their locker room talk. They’ve all stopped joking about the size of their penises after Chef Blaine said to them one day: “You may get hard, but my vagina doubles in size when I’m ready to go. That’s seven inches of room motherfucker. How’s that stack up to your pecker?” “She’s insulting us, but it’s really informative and I don’t know what to do about it,” Chad Girth, a line cook at The Chive Turkey, said. “I had no idea what a Ben Wa Ball was before she started working here but she always tells us it’s going to fall out when we do something stupid. Oh, and apparently the vagina has the same pH as wine, so there’s been a lot of jokes about that, too. I also didn’t know that a vagina can smell faintly like bleach after intercourse, so that makes it kinda weird when we clean the drains.”

Leave a Reply