Helena, Montana—The Panera Bread at the Capitol Hill Mall is offering up something a little different these days: JUSTICE. Since the company chose to hire local barista and self-proclaimed vigilante Jamie Hope two weeks ago, many unexpecting customers have been on the receiving end of her latest ‘special.’
“I just base it on whether or not someone treats me like an actual person or not,” Jamie told Sauce OTS, “if a customer comes up and demands coffee, doesn’t look me in the eye, and is generally just an ass-hat; I take it upon myself to make their iced, mocha, heavy-foam, sugar-free, ‘Im being healthy,’ bullshit latte, with decaf espresso.” The capitol hill Panera started carrying the mind-boggling coffee product 3 years ago after some of the older customers began to complain that full caf espresso kept them up all hours of the night after their 3:30 PM, early bird special reservation.
Is serving entitled customers decaf coffee wrong? Is this actual injustice? Where is the line between social justice and poor service, and have we found it? Jamie spent a ‘well-deserved’ cigarette break trying to convince Sauce OTS why she believes she’s in the right on this matter, “I don’t see it as wrong because they never ACTUALLY specify that they don’t want decaf, they only bark the words ‘SKINNY LATTE’ at me like I’m some mindless robot, and honestly…robots can malfunction. Believe it or not, when I say, ‘Hi, how are you this morning?’ I truly want to know, and just yelling, ‘Mocha’ doesn’t exactly answer the question. I stand for common courtesy and politeness, something the previous generation just doesn’t understand.”
Sauce OTS has refused to comment either way, but this reporter is openly supportive of Jamie’s brave acts of justice among the community. It only goes to show that when people say, “Be kind to your barista,” they mean it. And when they say, “Not all heroes wear capes,” what they’re really saying is “Some heroes wear aprons.”