PITTSBURGH, PA — Stacy Harbor has been a manager at Pour Some Burger On Me, a local seafood restaurant, for around seven years. Just yesterday, she finally noticed that she’s a terrible manager. The sudden revelation has put her employees into a very precarious position.

“She will come up to us randomly throughout the day and just start talking mad shit on herself,” Tim Cranston, unwilling confidant and server at Pour Some Burger On Me, told Sauce On the Side. “She walked up to me while I was taking an order from a five top and said: ‘I just spent three minutes shouting at a customer who called in and said that they got food poisoning here. Why am I in charge of anyone? Enjoy your meal folks.’ I think she’s losing her mind.”

Tim isn’t the only one who thinks that Miss Harbor has completely lost it. Another server caught her in the bathroom, staring into the mirror, practicing how to tell a table to go to hell. The owner of the restaurant has yet to realize what’s happening in his establishment. None of the staff plan on telling him.

“Stacy going nuts could be the best worst thing that’s happened to us,” Chelsea Harper said. “I’ve never seen a manager blindly take our side over a guest’s so fast in my life. The level of shitty customers has dropped to damn near zero. As far as I’m concerned, she can keep this up as long as she wants. Right up until she inevitably throws a molotov cocktail at the bar.”

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