PORTLAND, OR — Tony Wilson has been working at the Wok Pot for three months. In addition to being moderately useful on the line, Mr. Wilson has also managed to earn the ire of every single one of his coworkers in the kitchen. “I’m going to murder that kid right in his face if he tries to talk to me or one of the servers again,” Robert Alverez, disgruntled line cook and aspiring murderer, told Sauce On the Side, “every single time he eats something here he creams his pants. It’s like, we get it buddy, I’ve worked here for fives years. I know how the goddamn menu tastes.”


Tony’s positivity has been the bane of almost everyone’s existence upon his arrival. The only person who seems to enjoy the endless streams of “oh wow” and “this is amazing, wow” emanating from the kitchen when he eats is Tiffany, one of the senior servers.


“Every shift that Tony works is my favorite shift,” Tiffany said, “I’ve been a server for a long time, and I’ve never seen a group of cooks get so salty about some petty bullshit so fast. You should see it when that kid eats, it’s majestic. As soon as Tony takes his first bite and starts saying trivial shit, everyone on the line starts throwing plates. I’m going to quit the day after those guys inevitably murder him.”

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