MIAMI, FL -- The staff at Craving Some Crock, a local stew palace, just cannot wait to get their hands on the latest line of menus for their restaurant. It’s all they can talk about, and it definitely has nothing to do with the fact that everyone on staff hates each other and can’t come up with anything else to talk about. No, they’re excited for the new menus because they’re fucking laminated. That’s right, laminated. So we can all stop talking about how Candice came in drunk and took a shit on the cutting boards the kitchen cleaned while the rest of the bar staff cheered her on. Because there’s more kinds of stew than you could or should ever believe existed on this new menu. Guess what? The new menu also has labels that tell you if an item is gluten-free or vegan. They could cure cancer tomorrow and it wouldn’t be as exciting to the staff of Craving Some Crock as these bitchin’ new menus. There’s no way it’s a distraction from the retaliatory shit that the kitchen took in the bar’s keg cooler the morning after “The Candy Ass” incident. Don’t ask me why this restaurant’s so focused on literally shitting on each other because I don’t even think they’re sure why. Doesn’t matter though, ‘cause these shiny, motherfucking menus don’t have any typos at all--as far as anyone on staff can tell. So buckle up, motherfuckers, because there’s a new menu, and when they can’t talk about that anymore, there’s probably gonna be a homicide.