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PHILADELPHIA, PA — Amanda Binds is dating a guy named Chadley Derrickson. As if that wasn’t reason enough for her to break up with him, he’s also a total dick and none of her co-workers are quite sure how to bring this fact up to her. Mostly because she keeps asking him to show up whenever she’s working. “So you know how sometimes the sweetest person in the world can end up with a total monster?” Amanda’s coworker Bethany Folsom, asked. “Well, that’s what’s happening right now, so there ya go. She’s so nice that none of us want to hurt her feelings, and then there’s Chad.” Chadley, currently in between jobs because he got fired from his dad’s dealership, likes to spend his free time hitting on any woman sixteen and up, so long as Amanda is out of sight. His go to pick up lines range from: “Fuck me if I’m wrong, but have we met before?” to “Name’s Chad, what’s it smell like?” Whenever Amanda is within earshot, Mr. Derrickson’s favorite activities include calling her “babe” way too many goddamn times, insulting whatever it is she’s doing regardless of his knowledge on the subject, and generally placing his hands wherever he wants to on her body. “On a creep scale from one to ten, I’d say Chad’s an R Kelly,” Bethany said. “If he hits on any of us one more time, I think we’re just going to have to tell Mandy what the fuck is up. I know every woman is entitled to go through her fuckboy phase, but this one has gone on far too long.”

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