FRESNO, CA — The Shellfish Lover, an area restaurant, has experienced an unexpected rise in ticket times after several cooks tried to determine whether a portion of shrimp was acceptable to serve. “Yeah, one of our line cooks was just holding the bag in front of him with this confused look on his face,” David Brahms told Sauce OTS, “that’s when I knew I had to get involved.” David, who has spent almost two months working with seafood considers himself an expert on shellfish. “I went over and had a whiff,” David continued, “I was pretty sure but I wasn’t certain, so I called for backup.”

At that point, every line cook working at The Shellfish Lover that night came over to weigh in on the merits of the shrimp. “Well, it was buried in the back of a hotel pan. I thought that was kind of fishy, but to me, it seemed okay,” Oscar Brandon, resident pothead, and cook said. Most of the remaining staff simply stated that they wanted to kill time coming over to inspect the item. “To be honest,” Kelly Smith told Sauce OTS, “I have no idea why we wouldn’t throw it away if it were of questionable quality, but I guess that’s what I get for being the new girl. Everyone else just kept coming over and saying ‘I mean, what do you think,’ and then passing it off. I ended up throwing it away when they weren’t looking. Someone’s gotta be the adult here.”

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