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PHEONIX, AZ — Tickets are flowing off the printer like a waterfall onto the floor, every single appetizer goes out 45 minutes after being rang in; and Trent Barker, the owner of Drop the Bass, is certain that it’s everyone else’s fault. Trent’s head chef quit this morning after being told that he’s spending too much time picking his kids up from school. Rather than asking someone to come in on their day off, the owner of Drop the Bass decided that, even though he has never worked on a line before, his head chef’s job couldn’t be that hard and that he would take his place.

 

Rather than pulling the tickets and putting them in the order they came in, Mr. Barker has organized them according to some mystifying technique that only makes sense to him. Trent has been calling out salad orders to sautee station and steaks to the fry cook for the past twenty minutes. “I don’t understand why they’re not doing their goddamn jobs,” Mr. Barker told Sauce On the Sauce through the window, “I’m speaking English, right? I’m telling them literally everything they need to know. Hold on, I’ve gotta call this ticket. Walking up to bat: Chicken entree with the sauce and a side caesar and a seabass entree with the baked potato sub Mahi Mahi and add a side of bacon and sour cream with the baked potato and put the cream sauce with the chicken entree on the side. See? How are they screwing things up this bad?”

 

All the servers are taking turns talking the line cook on break out of murdering their employer. “It’s a team effort right now,” Jessica Chris, a waitress at Drop the Bass, said, “I caught one of the kitchen guys outside sharpening a filet knife. We all knew what it was for. I know every shift has to end and rushes can’t last forever, but I’m literally just hoping we can make it through tonight without any fatalities.”

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